I don't have many readers anymore. I'm sure who ever is left will surely think differently of me for this...
I should start by explaining why I feel as I do about religion.
I grew up with a step-father who would get wasted, molest and beat me, then read the bible to me.
I am totally spiritually confused. I'm constantly questioning what I believe in. My youngest two children have never been to church, besides an Easter egg hunt.
I know just enough of religion to make me think there are a lot of contradictions that I can't understand. If Jesus died for our sins and suffered so we wouldn't have to, then why is there so much suffering among the innocent in the world? Why does evil almost always seem to prevail?
We have a very close friend that has had a horrible 12 months. Last Oct 28th, he lost his father to cancer. On Dec. 11th his wife passed 1 week after discovering she had leukemia. She was in GREAT HEALTH 1 week before she died and left 4 children ages 19, 16, 11, and 8 to be raised by their father.
In mid january his eldest son was hospitilized with double pneumonia that prompted surgery to drain his lungs. He was out of school the rest of the year.
Yesterday, the oldest son was driving the younger two to school. He lost control of the pickup, crossed a lane, barely missed an oncoming car, hit a fence, flipped the truck, and the youngest daughter (who was supposedly trying to put on her seatbelt) flew out of the truck window still clutching her brand new purse.Her shoulder was fractured. She wouldn't be at home today if not for the fence supporting the weight of the truck.
I have always tried to focus on the good things that happen. Despite the mental, physical, and sexual abuse that I endured from pre-teen to 13, I try to remind my older sister that was spared most of the physical and mental abuse, that we went on many family vacations.There WERE good times. We had fairly decent holidays when we went to lubbock and our parents had to put on a good front for the relatives... dysfunctional as they were themselves.
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posted by Cathy at 10/14/2005 07:42:00 PM
8 Comments:
I'm so sorry for the things that have happened to you in your young life. Nothing can change it. But, you can make a different world for your children. You are so awesome of a Mother. Just keep the faith and always hang onto hope.
I am sorry that you had to endure that as a child. No child should have to ever go through that. I understand why you would be confused about your religion. Linda is right, you can make it a different world for your children. You are a great mother Cathy.
Awwwwww Cathy. I don't know what to say, but I think God forgives you for being confused by religion. You have every right. And I am SURE that God doesn't mind how you talk to Him. I love you!
It's hard for me to get my head around the issues you brought up with regards to why God "let's" it happen. My thought is though that it's not God at work, but some other "force." If you will look really hard & close, I would be willing to bet that in the midst of those tragedies, some greater good has evolved. It could be something as "small" as a tender touch, a thoughtful card or phone call or as big as stopping the cycle and making life better for your own children. Those are the times and places where God is present. I know sometimes it's hard to see it, but it is probably there somewhere (even if it doesn't get recognized until years later).
You're an amazing woman, Cathy & an incredible mother. I love you lots!
P.S. LOVE the pic! It's from Dogma, right? LOVED that movie!
I don't know what else to add Cathy except (((hugs))) and keep up the GREAT work!
I hope you dont mind that I commented to your post on my blog.
My comment was getting long and I didn't want to take up your comment space.
http://oneofthreeandcounting.blogspot.com/2005/10/sending-my-love.html
My Comment Post
I'm a friend of Big Daddy and saw the post on his blog. I thought I'd offer you my prayers and support. His advice is good, and I hope that it brings you some comfort and direction. The subject of God letting bad things happen is a very difficult one to deal with, for Christians and non-believers alike. I posted a comment on another blog after Katrina, attempting to explain that "why," so you are not alone. Keep the faith, and trust in God.
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