I need to purge...WARNING!!!! This will be a VERY long blog.

We will start with the letter my asshat of a dad wrote my sister. The communications between the two of them occured in Early May.

"Tina I owe you a major apology. I left saturday because I was extremely depressed to realize you actually knew Frea was a rotty/wolf cross breed and still let it live. I have no first hand experience with them but I read a tremendous selection of articles and this breed although tiny in comparison is responsible for close to .05 % of total injuries to people by canine crosses considered "dangerous" by section 822 of the texas codes. Considering you were bit by a tiny dog please consider what it could do to Jessie or Katy in a new york second before you could even have time to yell NO. It was eating me up and I felt I had no business saying anything and after 10 years in the airforce I learned to keep my mouth shut unless asked and never volunteer for anything. I am not a confrontational type of person, and I still feel like more of a guest or visitor than a family member, and I let it get me so upset I felt I had to leave or I was going to explode on you or Nate, I had even considered putting the dog down to just do away with any arguements over its potential for erratic behavior not minimized by "training". And then your efforts to "train" the girls to not play with a dog of any breed on the dogs level is unreasonable in my opinion. Please consider dumping Frea on some mexicans and let her go nuts on them not my grandchildren. There are dozens of other dog breeds much better suited for homes with children and infants.
I am not particularly proud of this next item but it is me and I can't change my feelings on the subject. I have a major problem with tattoos on anybody. Nates crude behavior such as blowing farts gained him no resemblence of respect. I am sorry to be such a bigoted asshole but I have been around a long time and see nothing but immature behavior by him and am concerned if he doesn't mature a lot he won't have much of a future, his assinine demands regarding not buying anything from walmart is from an erroneous assumption we are "financing" communist china. When in reality we are using them as slave labor for slave labor prices for digitial cameras, dvd players and recorders and cheap but functional clothes He is forgetting a major point!! By buying products from other countrys including crude oil and cameras we are making them use up their resources instead of ours so when they start running out we still have our reserves to fall back on till new technologies are developed. If he were smart he would be buying every thing he could at wallyworld and drain the other countries dry. I do refuse to buy exxon and mobile gas and all the generic gas stations that get their supplies from guess who? Exxon and mobile.
My apology to you is for my not saying anything to you or Nate but to just slink off like a thief in the night and leave you to wonder why I left with no explanation. I am truly sorry for my rude behavior."

Here is her reply.. (gotta love the spunk of a daughter scorned twice by a shithead dad)

"You can keep your apology.

I'm not sorry I meet you at least I know what your like now.

I'm sorry for you! that your life has been like it has. Maybe if you would have had a family you could have learned more about what is really important about people. How they act and treat their kids matters most- not what color they are or how they look on the outside. Tattoos or no tattoos, Nate would die before letting one of his children get hurt.
Nate farts loud is the best you could come up with! The man has so many more actual faults you could have attacked with stunning success Come on you can do better then this!
That your complaining about another man's gas when you're the most gaseous thing next to the planet Jupiter. OMG do you have to burp loud enough the neighbors hear it?

Shop at Walmart= destroy other nations resources!! Wake up the only nation shopping at Walmart will destroy is the good ol' U. S. of A. I know you watch PBS for the antique roadshow watch anything with substance like frontline? You would have seen this then http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/walmart/ .

You read an article on the interwebs? Amazing you must know everything there is to know about dogs now! I bow before you greatness! My eight years of handling literally over a thousand dogs is worthless in comparison. Give me a break. My job was to determine an animals capacity for violence and prevent that from occurring. I restrained animals for a living. I got bit once because I wasn't doing my job. I learned a valuable lesson. I would NEVER put my own children in a position where they could suffer the pain and scarring of a dog bite or attack.

To allow a child to put their face into the face of dog that hasn't been in the family for years is insane! You ridicule me for teaching my children how to handle a dog it would be irresponsible to own a dog and not teach your children the rules regarding pet ownership!

You have insulted me. You have insulted my husband. You have threatened my Husband and my dogs life. I think your brain must have melted from all the drugs or old age one!
You call my husband and me "Village Idiots" and state that I must be "mentally retarded" for living with mom. I like living with my mom. We all live together because we share a common goal- raising healthy well balanced children. This would be a foreign concept to you- but I hear there are excellent articles on the interwebs - you should read one then you can be an EXPERT in child raising just like you are in DOG training!
OH wait I forgot you already are an expert in child raising. What was it you said?
"I've raised all the children I wanted too!" I believe. Since you raised ZERO children that's about right.

Living with my mom is the whole of the problem for you. You see Nate and I as competition. How many times does some one have to say 'No I don't want to get married' before you actually comprehend it?

Be sure and save this message! Maybe if you just reread it over and over and over it can make it past that mushy part of your brain where the short-term memory cells used to be (be sure and thank the THC for that) to where a few long-term memory cells are struggling to store as much as they can.

Honestly I think you just ran out of money and pot and had to run home. I don't buy this crapfest about the dog you've been trying to feed mother more then I buy anything you've been selling. You're an immature and irresponsible and most like semi-senile old dope-head.

It's the grand-kids you worry about? Don't worry they won't remember you anymore then I ever did."


And then he sent this. He's a bleeding idiot, *I'M* the one that found him. He is so fucking selfish and ignorant.

I do not have one single problem with your living with mother. If it were not for you she very possibly could have passed away from her SVT. I left because I couldn't say anything due to me feeling like a visitor or guest not as family. I am aware I was a failure as a parent and can't change that. I am concerned for your kids with frea around As I said I have not one thread of first hand evidence the dog is inherently dangerous but why take the risk if not necessary. I'm sorry my belching offends you My meds are one problem that is supposed to help but obviously not. Yes I insulted you and Nate I am not proud of it but as you have pointed out I have lived alone for 30 years due to my lack of faith/trust in people. Just how would you two get around if it wasn't for your mother letting you use her car since the purchase of guns and ammo is more important than having your tauruses window replaced. She has been freely giving with you all and it seems to me you are still sucking on the money teat and letting or expecting your mother to pay for katys child support since your disposable income is going for weapons for Nate to protect our country. When your mother and I separated it put me into depression for a very long time.
Both yor mother and another friend with a family told me in no uncertain terms I had to tell you of my concerns, that I was an asshole for leaving in the middle of the night with no explanations. I was in tears almost all the way home, you seem to have taken extra delight in making denigrating comments to me from the gitgo. In reality the only thing I ran out of down there was patience. Tina Your intolerance for my choice in pain management is typical for people who are unable to do any thing in moderation, it would appear you fried the reasoning portion of your brain cells from your druggie days. It broke my heart to discover that your moms family had alcoholism genes that could be passed down, I was completely ignorant of the passing of that gene to family members and was relieved to hear it apparently skipped you and your sister. I am truly sorry for ever saying anything. I should have just ignored the advice I got and let it ride. Considering that your mother doesn't even like dogs It was certainly thoughtful of you to bring one into the family.But I guess you couldn't be aware she wasn't a fan of dogs, after all you have just lived near her your entire life. And she is so secretive about it to the extent she won't even let them touch her but her actions must be so well concealed just the air breathing individuals notice that small fact.
If I was ridiculing you for teaching your kids how to protect them selfs from their own pet injuring them it was from the point of, why put them in that situation if not necessary. I hated to discover you had been bitten by a dog you were handling, your mom told me it caused you to quit the job due to the trauma( or you told me), I assumed you would be extremely cautious about any further interaction with toothy critters. I am sorry for insulting your family. I am not sorry I got to meet you. I have no doubt Nate wouldn't let anything endanger your children. As I said I am aware my prejudice about tattoos is unreasonable but that is due to my upbringing. I have never said anything to Nate about his, but I had hoped you could understand why I am not comfortable around him if I explained my hangups about them. I apologize for confirming what an asshole I am. I am overjoyed you are the perfect mother and companion who knows everything and has no need for any suggestions that might suggest your not the perfect mother and homemaker. I am still your father and I want your life to be so much better than mine is. I know I have made boatloads of mistakes in my life but I only have one major regret and that was not working hard enough on my marriage with your mom.
You ridicule me for mentioning Nates farts when according to you he has so many other "actual faults" Tina, first impressions last and to me it seemed he wanted to give his worst impression right up front, I can see Jessie is the light in his life and can also see Jessie adores him, for that is so important . Your moms and my marriage failure is totally my fault and I was surprised you even wanted to contact me. I'm sorry for my ignorance and my intolerance.I hope your life is all you want it to be.

Then he sent this little tid bit of ignorance. Apparently, he forgot I was the one that found him.

"I evidently need to remind you it was you who looked,found and contacted me. I have never ceased being your father whether I was absent or not. As your father I have the right and the responsibility to give my opinion if I see what I perceive to be a problem. You and your sister are the most important things in my life and I had no intent to insult you but express my concerns. I am guilty of freely speaking my mind, damn the torpedos. I am offended you are continually commenting on my ALLEGED choice of smoking material. Unless YOU have first hand evidence of that. it is still called libel even tween family members. I don't and haven't made comments about your inability to handle wine ( bottles).( That was an attempt at humor.) Please don't be offended at what I say to you I am only wanting the most and best for you. Oh and I had enough money to carry me till my next SSDI check arrived. It doesn't really matter what you perceive as to my reasons for having to leave with out any explanations but it still boils out to my concerns over the dog and the girls safety and the wisdom of introducing that particular crossbreed. I don't have the animal training you do and freely admit it but wild is just that and no matter how trained it might be it has the potential of reverting if only for a nanosecond and it would hurt you just as much if it"tagged" Jessie or Katy even if it was just a reflex thing. Tina, it just scares me to consider it. This My opinion and you have no obligation to even consider it but please don't be mad at me for saying my piece. You have the same right to say your mind regarding me but please be honest not just hurtful OK??"

On May 24th I decided to forward a chain letter to him (sorry for anybody else that reads this that recieved it as well. I needed to send to 20 people.I wanted to see if he would respond, continue pretending nothing happened, apologize.. whatever. So anyway, he replied with this.

I Got a window saying I don't have a file associated with it and to ?create an association in the folders option file. Unfortunately I don't have the slightest clue how to do that. This isn't the first time I have had this problem, for a while it seemed every image anybody sent me triggered the same problem. I wish I knew how to "create an association in the folders option files"
I am sorry for leaving before the scarboro fair. I got worked up and overstressed at Nate for the incredible ignorance he displayed in bringing a wolf/rottweiler into the house with small children . I left to prevent me starting a knock down drag out fight over his stupidity and Tinas arrogance to think she could "train" an animal like that. My apologies for being an asshole but I learned a long time ago that telling the honest truth pisses a lot of people off. If I was going to live with my self I had to lay my cards on the table and let the chit fly. Your mom is no longer talking to me so my moving plans are in limbo now. I still am proud of both my girls and ashamed that I caused all this dissention. If you have any suggestions I wish you would share them with me. My main objection to that animal is I am afraid it will injure one of the girls before it attacks Nate."

So I replied with..

"I don't know what all happened, I just know that I have been deeply depressed over feeling abondoned once again. I don't understand why I didn't deserve an explanation for a month. I also hate seeing mom and Tina so upset. I feel responsible for all their heartache. If I hadn't searched you out and had Tina contact you, (I was scared of being rejected) nobody would be hurting right now.
This situation cannot be mended. We were already broken people from the life we spent with Dannie. The emotional pain you inflicted on Tina, and mom byproxy, is irreparable. My only advice: In the future, think about what you say and how it will affect others before you say it.
Yes, you held your tongue while you were at her house, but the immaturity you displayed by taking off in the middle of the night has astounded everybody.
I'm curious as to why you acted as though you thought Daisy was a good dog and agreed with me that there should be nothing to worry about if you were concerned about her being a dangerous mix as well?

I would also like to address the fact that you are so intolerant of Bethany's behavior. On two seperate visits you were aggressive in your attempts at trying to discipline *MY* daughter. I let it slide and defended you to Mark who was VERY upset because I was so scared to damage the relationship we had just started, looking back, I realize I was ignorant. My children love me more than you ever have or will. I need to protect them.
If you need an example. One event, you grabbed her up with her arms squeezed to her sides, sat her on the bar, got up in her face and stated "you are going to be responsible for daisy being sent away!"
The second was on your most recent trip. I wasn't privvy to see this, but Hannah was. Bethany called you a liar and you flipped out, grabbed her, and said "nobody calls me a liar!" She's 4 years old. She says words out of context.
If things hadn't blown up like this, I wanted to tell you that I'd prefer you not to discipline my children. We just wanted you to be a "fun time grandpa". Our children are lucky to have two contributing parents. They don't need grandparents intervening. We choose our battles. Proper tightening of velcro straps on tennis shoes is not a battle that needs fought with a 4 yr old.
You have no knowledge of how to raise a child. Why try to start with mine?
I heard about the comment you made to mom when the two of you argued about TV. She asked "how many kids did you raise?", you stated "as many as I wanted." You have no idea how that upset me. Can you even comprehend how hateful of a statement that is?

Please, in the event of future letters, don't call my sister names. I love her, she has always done her best to protect me."

Ignorance...

"You are totally correct about my poor to ignorant behavior, and I have been beating myself up ever since bolting from the house. I was so upset I felt like I was in a rage and I was obsessing over the pup and (in my mind) how dangerous it is going to be when it's fully grown, I realize miracles do happen but I couldn't get my mind off of that dog and to prevent the troubles if I opened my mouth I just got out of bed and packed the car and left, I called your mom once I was in makinly? and tried to explain why I had left but I had to talk and cry at the same time, I will not intrude on you anymore, I am sorry I have no experience in dealing with children. I wouldn't hurt any child intentionally. I had told your mom about my correcting beth on the bar and she had already told me to leave the parenting to the parents. I just wish Tina had not been placed in the middle of my idiotic obsession over that puppy. I am so sorry I just inflicted more pain on all of you, I guess it is best if I remain alone so I don't repeat this. I probably developed my interpersonal approach from the military and the working world since I didn't have the family life except from observation of friends away from work.. Ye shall reap what you sow. I am paying for my own stupidity and thoughtlessness. I guess I can be thankful I wasn't around for your formative years or you would have ended up hating me a lot earlier. I need to practice what I preach, engage brain before putting mouth or in this case fingers in gear. I will read your email again and again. and get it through my head I am an idiot that just doesn't "get it" I am so sorry"

Wait, he's not done yet. I only sent that one reply. But he had to send a few more one line replies, then this final "woah is me"

"I must thank you for being honest with me. You have saved me from doing something stupid. A fishing buddy had invited me to visit him and his family and to get some fishing in. Now that I am aware of my lack of social skills around children and people in ganeral I can let them know I won't be coming out and why. I would have undoubtably pulled some stupid and hurtful gaffe or worse. I only wish you had said something just as soon as I "corrected" Beth and told me in no uncertain terms to not try parenting or correcting one of your girls. I am realizing I have absolutely no parenting skills at all, it was probably for the best your mom and I divorced and let her get on with the impossible(to me) task of raising her two daughters."

I haven't heard anything from him since then. I've been "cycling" through moods and I feel bad for everybody around me. I'm trying to just keep it in and heal quietly. But maybe this will help.